As September is saturated yellow and we all rally around the powerful RU OK Day message, our work is in moving the needle beyond that one question. How can we use our real conversation skills to influence our intimate circle; be it in our workplace, home space or community group to normalise RU OK Day, every day?

Here are four familiar reminders of how you can role model care beyond September 14th…

Attuned Attention
- When asking if someone is OK, remember to give context, e.g. “you’ve been quiet in meetings and usually have a lot of great ideas to share”. Not only does it help centre the conversation around a specific behaviour and reduce the likelihood of the dreaded “I’m fine” response, but it also shows genuine interest in their wellbeing because you’ve been considerate enough to pay attention to them and notice that something has changed. It goes beyond the generic pleasantries and removes the sometimes well-intentioned but token-like element of that question, letting them know you really want to hear their honest answer.

Curious Questioning
- The majority of people don’t ask the question because they’re terrified of how they’ll handle the real answer. As Real Conversation custodians, your superpower is in knowing not how to fix it, but how to be curious about it. By being OK with the discomfort of silence, at peace with not having the answers and accepting the reality that you don’t need to be an expert to be helpful will enable you to open doors and hear stories that people have been longing to share. So often we can avoid a conversation because we get stuck in our head with the narrative of “what if” and “how will I”, but all you need to do is focus on the person and the sentence in front of you. Trust your skills and let curious kindness lead.

Peace and Presence
- Ask and then stop talking. We live in a world where our attention is in a choke-hold; by our smartphones, our emails, our kids, pets, the news…you name it, we’re distracted by it. If we’re not trying to get someone’s time, we’re being spoken over, spoken at, or adding things to the never-ending to-do list in our own heads. For somebody who is struggling (and likely already feeling like a burden) to experience a moment of peaceful presence from another human being, is a gift in itself. Support is often so much more than words. When their internal noise feels de-stabilising, you become the oak tree, firm and rooted in the ground, so that they are free to be the branches in the chaos of the wind. Remember the power of the pause, it’ll allow them to know the space you’ve created is for them to fill - and be patient with it because they may not be familiar with being offered that.

Consistent Care
- As we approach September and October, or what we call “the mental health Olympics” - Australia and the world rally around driving attention to mental and emotional wellbeing, enabling taking care of other people to easily sit front of mind. Whilst this is an incredible opportunity to raise awareness and take action, it often also creates room for a steep drop-off as another event or initiative will inevitably roll in shortly after. One very simple way to go beyond the question is to stay consistent in your approach to care. Whether that’s weekly, monthly, or quarterly check-ins. Don’t just let people know that you care, consistently show them, because we know that sometimes actions speak louder than words.

Remember, light, tight and bright!